Recently updated on February 29th, 2024 at 04:44 pm
The PositiveNaija Interviews “Advice of Nigerian Mothers” is a series of interviews with remarkable Nigerian mothers on sharing their motherhood experiences towards understanding and celebrating the crucial role of mothers in raising/training children, building families and uplifting societies.
This series conceived and conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe is dedicated to Itohan Hephzibah Deborah Igbe and every mother.
“A miracle is really the only way to describe motherhood and giving birth. It’s unbelievable how God has made us women and babies to endure and be able to do so much. A miracle indeed. Such an incredible blessing.”
– Jennie Finch
Interview of Mrs. Ifezuo Joy who shares her experiences, thoughts and insights as a mother with PositiveNaija (Toju M. Ogbe) on April 27, 2022
Interviewer (Toju): Please Ma, what is your name, how old are you and where are you from?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: My name is Mrs. Ifezuo Joy. I am 43 years old and I am from Anambra state.
Interviewer (Toju): As regards work, what are your interests, passion or pursuits?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: My work is cooking (food).
Interviewer (Toju): You are a mother of how many children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: I have five (5) children (three males and two females).
Interviewer (Toju): What are the most delightful things about your children (individually)? Or choose three words that describes each of them.
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: They care for me; they are obedient for me and they are helpful to me in my business.
Interviewer (Toju): What deliberate/intentional plans have you had in building the emotional, intellectual, mental, spiritual health and character of your children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Let me start in their spiritual life. I help them in prayer, I encourage them to go to church and in terms of their health, I do give them food that will give them nutrient and energy. I do my best to provide what they would like and need.
This their growth is God.
In everything I make sure that they are in a good environment/society where they move with good friends and where their spiritual life will grow.
Interviewer (Toju): Effective mothering is a matter of values. What values do you prioritize for your children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Their education! Once they value their education they can go further. Second is obedience to their elders.
Interviewer (Toju): ‘There is no place like home’. What peculiar strategies have you used in promoting excitement, joy and lasting memories as well as managing conflicts/disagreements for your children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: First of all, as a family, we start with prayers, morning devotions and right living. As they say ‘Charity begins at home’. So from their characters, they know that they come out from good home.
Another is caring for them – not allowing them to lack. With God’s grace, by providing for them, there is happiness.
On the conflict issue, I advise them. Some years ago, there was a day I went out and when I came back, I saw my two daughters fighting. I did not separate them – I left them and when they were done, they separated themselves and since then, which is over three years now, they have never fought again. It may not be the best strategy for everyone but there is wisdom inside.
Interviewer (Toju): Friends, television and music; all increasingly influence children today. How do you check these influences on your children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Let me start with friends. I monitor them on the kind of friends they move with. Whenever I notice strange characters, I ask them questions and if it is a friend that is not good, I tell them and the friend to keep off.
For television, I don’t watch TV. They cannot put anyhow films/movies.
Music is Christian music. No worldly ones like that.
When I am with them, they don’t do nonsense/anyhow. Although I cannot be with them all the time.
Interviewer (Toju): In particular, how would you say you made your children to be of a healthy self-esteem – in other words, how they value themselves and their goals, as well as build their self-confidence?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: In that one, it is the way you train your children and you use the Word of God to back them.
For the first part on training, what I mean is bringing them up in truth.
In their education, you encourage them. I tell them to put their efforts, no following of bad friends; which is for their own good tomorrow. When they also need resources for school, I encourage them by providing.
So truth as the foundation is important so that I can do my part confidently.
Secondly, in that Word of God, example of Joseph when he was with his brothers, he knew he was going somewhere but his brothers did not trust/believe him till when the dream manifested. So, through their (my children’s) ‘dreams’, which is the Word of God, they are more than capable of making it.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your preferred methods of correcting your children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: These ones don big pass me for beating. I can beat them but I mostly advise them. As my people say “no matter how big okro leaf tall, the farmer fit draw am down”. When I advise them, I do it as a meeting.
Interviewer (Toju): How important are fathers in the upbringing and development of children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Father is important in terms of providing, education (school fees). When the children see their fathers, they can fear them more than their fathers.
Interviewer (Toju): Have you had experiences in which you it seemed that your role as a mother was uninteresting, insignificant and even degrading/shameful (perhaps like your talents/gifts were underutilised/wasted)? How did you cope?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: No.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between stay-at-home mothering and working mothering?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Working mothers.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion on having house helps/nannies to assist in the home and child-raising?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: I nor support am. Why because some maids are evil and same as some mothers, when you bring nannies to them, they are not doing well – not treating these nannies as if they are human beings or their own children.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between boarding schools and day-to-day schools?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Day school. If you dey go, come back, you monitor their movement.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothering has never been an easy or simple task. Every generation of mothers face a unique set of challenges. What do you consider the challenges of your time as a mother?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Well, for our time – not me ohhh (laughs), for instance, some of our husbands cannot afford daily bread for their children, they cannot pay school fees, lazy, drinking alcohol, etc.
Another challenge is domestic violence.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your greatest wishes, prayers, dreams aspirations for your children? And how do you know these are the right ones?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: For them to be good and succeed.
Interviewer (Toju): What are the things only God can do in your children’s lives? In other words, are there things beyond your control or power?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: It is only God that can protect them, give them good health, even take care of them as I cannot do anything by my power.
Interviewer (Toju): How do you cope with the need for attention between spouse and children?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: With patience and endurance.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothers are typically known for their relentless care, prayers/vigils/intercessions, support even when all appears to be well irrespective of the age of their children. Is this the case with you and what is the reason(s) for this?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Good health first of all. Good achievement in all their endeavors.
Yes, you can stand for your children for good – whether old or big – that is the work of the mother.
Once I know about good health and achievements, I know I will benefit from it but first it is through prayers . Psalm 21 says “Thou hast given him his heart’s desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. He asked life of thee, and thou gavest it him, even length of days for ever and ever.” So from this prayer, anything I ask for them, I know it is the correct one.
Interviewer (Toju): How can mothers be women of positive influence on the society?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: For mothers to be more prayerful for the society – goodness for all including Nigeria.
Interviewer (Toju): In light of your reflections, what is one decision you might make to be a better mother?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: I can be a better mother when my children are not lacking – that is when I can cater for them.
Interviewer (Toju): How can you describe motherhood?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Motherhood – to be a mother is not easy – you pass through pains during delivery. Even carrying pregnancy for nine (9) months is not a day’s job but by the grace of God, God makes it easy especially when you enter labor room.
Interviewer (Toju): Which persons are you grateful for in helping/influencing you towards being a better mother?
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: First of all, it is God oh. It is God that makes me a mother. And another people that stand for me are my mother and father.
Interviewer (Toju): Thank you Ma for your time and sharing your unique experiences with us as well as with the world.
Mrs. Ifezuo Joy: Thank you.
Interview Credits
*This interview was first conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe on April 27, 2022 and was last updated on May 21, 2022.
Written/edited and poster designed by: Toju Micheal Ogbe.
*The Interview Series is open for donation, sponsorship, collaboration or partnership.
*If you enjoyed this interview or have more questions/observations, please comment on this post below or message us on +2349064503292. Thank you.
