Recently updated on August 30th, 2022 at 01:05 am
The PositiveNaija Interviews “Advice of Nigerian Mothers” is a series of interviews with remarkable Nigerian mothers on sharing their motherhood experiences towards understanding and celebrating the crucial role of mothers in raising/training children, building families and uplifting societies.
This series conceived and conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe is dedicated to Itohan Hephzibah Deborah Igbe and every mother.
“If you are a mother, you have a calling from God. God entrusts into your care a life, a future, a piece of what the world will become. You become part of the solution or part of the problem that faces us today.”
– Jean Fleming (A Mother’s Heart)
Interview of Mrs. Martha Ameh who shares her experiences, thoughts and insights as a mother with PositiveNaija (Toju M. Ogbe) on March 29, 2022
Interviewer (Toju): Please Ma, what is your name, how old are you and where are you from?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: My name is Mrs. Martha Ameh. I am 57 years old. I am from Kogi state; Olamaboro Local Government Area.
Interviewer (Toju): As regards work, what are your interests, passion or pursuits?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Trading. I am into trading of foodstuffs (or food items).
Interviewer (Toju): You are a mother of how many children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Twelve children (seven males and five females)
Interviewer (Toju): What are the most delightful things about your children (individually)? Or choose three words that describes each of them.
Mrs. Martha Ameh: For my sons; they love God – born again, they are educated, they have moral respect for everyone; for these I love them. For my daughters; they love God – born again, they are educated, and they can do all domestic work accurately.
Interviewer (Toju): What deliberate/intentional plans have you had in building the emotional, intellectual, mental, spiritual health and character of your children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: I train and advice them in the way of the Lord as well as prioritise for them, family values.
Interviewer (Toju): Effective mothering is a matter of values. What values do you prioritize for your children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Good character.
Interviewer (Toju): ‘There is no place like home’. What peculiar strategies have you used in promoting excitement, joy and lasting memories as well as managing conflicts/disagreements for your children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: For the first, it is important for children to have peace and find the home conducive for their growth. No quarrels especially in their presence. And when they err, I advice them and not being harsh all the time.
Secondly on managing conflict, the source of the disagreement/quarrel is investigated; no room for compromise; I remind them of their relationship as blood siblings and even deal with them when they engage in physical confrontations.
Interviewer (Toju): Friends, television and music; all increasingly influence children today. How do you check these influences on your children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Good question!
For movies (and music), since they were still younger, they were exposed to valuable movies such as the Mount Zion ones. And then, I review with them what lessons they have learnt. No war movies (laughs). I also come around them a lot even when they are adults now to see what they are watching and ask them the moral lessons of the movies.
For friends, I am always on the look out – I encourage friendship but with purpose. I assess the words, actions and character of their friends.
Interviewer (Toju): In particular, how would you say you made your children to be of a healthy self-esteem – in other words, how they value themselves and their goals, as well as build their self-confidence?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Considering the nature of their upbringing, I constantly remind them of where they are coming from – their background, family values; admonishing them to keep their integrity and that they will get honor from even outsiders.
I also use myself as well as relevant Bible characters as an example all the time in building them up.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your preferred methods of correcting your children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: The Word of God – which I read to them; general advice/talk; physical examples and cane especially when advice has been ignored severally.
At the end of it, it is by the grace of God.
Interviewer (Toju): How important are fathers in the upbringing and development of children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Fathers are very very important. The advice and discipline of Fathers are crucial – it has authority. Fathers lay down the education and mothers are largely to support.
The absence of a father is not really good.
Interviewer (Toju): Have you had experiences in which you it seemed that your role as a mother was uninteresting, insignificant and even degrading/shameful (perhaps like your talents/gifts were underutilised/wasted)? How did you cope?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: No, I did not have that experience.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between stay-at-home mothering and working mothering?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: I prefer stay-at-home because I enjoy being with them and also I am able to monitor them properly – especially their comings and goings.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion on having house helps/nannies to assist in the home and child-raising?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Some could be helpful and some could be dangerous. Everything depends on the fear of God.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between boarding schools and day-to-day schools?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: I prefer boarding schools. It is a unique training for the child’s character and in being independent.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothering has never been an easy or simple task. Every generation of mothers face a unique set of challenges. What do you consider the challenges of your time as a mother?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: The dilemma of being a stay-at-home mother and being a working mother. Many women find it difficult being a university graduate and then becoming a full-time housewife/mother – to mention, the pressure of the economy, which requires more financial support/provision for the home. And it is difficult doing both as woman.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your greatest wishes, prayers, dreams aspirations for your children? And how do you know these are the right ones?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Not hearing bad report; my children should be established especially as family oriented persons. I actually ask God for direction as well as in accordance with His Word.
Interviewer (Toju): What are the things only God can do in your children’s lives? In other words, are there things beyond your control or power?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: They are many. For example, the foundation of building a happy home, getting their own children, etc.
Interviewer (Toju): How do you cope with the need for attention between spouse and children?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: This is a big question.
You have to find a way to meet the demands of both of them — which is to honor their presence in my life.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothers are typically known for their relentless care, prayers/vigils/intercessions, support even when all appears to be well irrespective of the age of their children. Is this the case with you and what is the reason(s) for this?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: Yes I stand in the gap for them all. Sometimes mothers who don’t, may see their children experience unnecessary challenges.
Interceding for my children is a secret of life.
The reasons include happiness for everyone – not hearing any odd or strange things. Typically, we are in a society where if such occur, the mother is usually to be blamed.
Interviewer (Toju): How can mothers be women of positive influence on the society?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: By giving positive advice and sharing useful experiences as well as ideas on how to build a good home.
Interviewer (Toju): In light of your reflections, what is one decision you might make to be a better mother?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: By constantly checking myself. I review my actions and words a lot and I am also open to corrections/advice from my children.
Interviewer (Toju): How can you describe motherhood?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: It is both sweetness and bitterness – the two must react together. It is only for you to take your stand and eradicate the bitterness with prayers and when the good come you take your time and thank God.
Interviewer (Toju): Which persons are you grateful for in helping/influencing you towards being a better mother?
Mrs. Martha Ameh: My pastors, great friends, and the Holy Spirit concludes all as a perfect teacher.
Interviewer (Toju): Thank you Ma for your time and sharing your unique experiences with us as well as with the world.
Mrs. Martha Ameh: You are welcome. Thank you.
Interview Credits
*This interview was first conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe on March 29, 2022 and last updated on April 12, 2022.
Written/edited and poster designed by: Toju Micheal Ogbe.
*The Interview Series is open for donation, sponsorship, collaboration or partnership.
*If you enjoyed this interview or have more questions/observations, please comment on this post below or message us on +2349064503292. Thank you.
